SNAKE OIL SAM IS ALIVE AND WELL IN ZAKOPANE

I’ve been tracking the exploits of Snake Oil Sam, the quintessential con-man for more decades than I care to remember. I’ve written and broadcast his antics time and again, and if there’s one absolute certainty in the world of money, it’s that Snake Oil Sam will always be around to separate you from your money. “Not me!” you proudly protest. Want to bet? I was recently visiting Poland---a most unusual and delightful country with a history that sit-com writers would envy. ) While there I spent a few days in a charming mountain town called Zakopane (Zok-oh-PON-ee.) In the winter it’s big a ski resort, attracting Eastern Europeans like Aspen attracts Yanks. In the summer, it’s a holiday destination for families, loaded to the gills with every fun kind of carnival ride/ junk food/ strolling Smurfs/ musicians/ trained animals/ mimes and no doubt pick-pockets. This is fertile territory for Snake Oil Sam---people out spending money, many of them with small children whose pleadings for every gimmick and gumdrop can hardly be ignored. And it was there, strolling with my wife on Krupowki Street, the main drag of Zakopane, that I saw Snake Oil Sam pulling off the exact same scam that I had seen with my own eyes while strolling with my parents on Fifth Avenue, the main drag of New York City, decades earlier. Some things never change: the scam works beautifully because the victims are willing to believe the impossible, and the dozens of spectators are willing to let the victims enjoy their fantasy. Lo and Behold! Here’s the deal, whether on Fifth Avenue back in the day, or in Zakopane, Poland, in July of 2007. Sam has a box full of paper dolls wrapped in cellophane. The dolls are the kind with accordion-like arms and legs, so that if you shake them up and down all the limbs wiggle. I’m sure you’ve seen them. There is music playing---a tap-toe dancing beat. Sam has one or two dolls out of the cellophane, and he sets them down towards the ground and, suddenly, abracadabra, he takes his hand off them and there they stand, on their own two little paper-accordion legs, bouncing in time to the music! Paper dolls! Suspended in space! Dancing! This almost doesn’t need a spiel from Sam. The darned things sell themselves. Sam hands them over---still wrapped tightly in the cellophane---to the victims in exchange for a few Polish zlotys And, just like on Fifth Avenue back in the dark ages, each and every sucker tucks the packet into his pocket and walks away, grinning with glee until he can get it home and show the family. They even shush their kids who want to see it NOW, preferring to wait and do the big act before everyone. Not a single buyer bothered to unwrap the doll on the spot to see if it worked. And not a single spectator (some of whom had to have figured out how the trick worked) bothered to warn the suckers in advance, or caution them after they had left the scene. Here’s how it works. (What? You mean paper-accordion legged dolls can’t stand on their own two feet and bounce in time to the music? Come on!) I spotted the trick when I was a little kid and I was amazed at what I saw. I walked around to the back of the scammer and saw another guy, his accomplice, with his hands folded behind his back, and one of his fingers was twitching. They were standing in a darkened doorway, so you had to get to the right angle and height to see the deception. I qualified. A length of thread was tied to the twitching finger, and the other end of the thread was tied to a hook in the opposite wall. The twitching finger thus caused the thread to wiggle, and a little clip stuck to the back of the doll’s head let Sam hang the doll on the thread and bounce it’s little arms and legs off. So cute. So simple. So clever. So profitable. As it was on Fifth Avenue, so it was on Krupowki Street. And so it is with so many of Sam’s scams---one of which is liable to catch you on a day that you’re willing to believe the impossible and your friends don’t warn you of the consequences. You Know What They Say About a “Free Lunch” Here are just a small sampling of scams that involve those human frailties---they are active and thriving today, raking in millions as easily as you rake the fallen leaves. “This FREE seminar will teach you how to buy real estate without any down payment, and sell it at a huge profit almost immediately…..” ---“This product of mother nature’s own making will help you lose 50---60---70 pounds in just weeks, without dieting or exercising. Listen to these testimonials….” ---“I am the attorney for a Nigerian princess who has just inherited $60 million, but needs the cooperation of a U.S. citizen with a bank account to have the money released to her. We will gladly pay 40% of the proceeds to you if…….” ---“Why let your money sit in the stodgy old stock market or boring CDs when you could be making extra thousands per month, SAFELY, in foreign currency markets…. precious metals….pork belly futures….home flipping….Texas Hold ‘Em tournaments…..just sign up for our series of exciting DVDs….you’ll get one per month….no salesman will call….BUT WAIT….THERE’S MORE….” I could go on and on. But I don’t have to. Snake Oil Sam does. Stay tuned to this site for an unending array of his scams. This article supplements Chapter 4 in Personal Finance. Access the textbook by clicking on the box in the right column.